Rob's Turnaround

Fluffy flakes of snow fell gently over us as we served lunch as usual near the Hawthorne Bridge. There was a festive feeling as we gathered with our friends that made the trek to us through the rare Portland snow. The few that I had spoken to that day had gotten into emergency shelters and it was a relief to know that they were at least staying warm while the winter storm passed by. Caleb, who had been getting no sleep for weeks other than short cat naps on the MAX during the day, looked visibly refreshed as he walked up to grab a sandwich and I knew he had finally been able to get some decent rest. “I slept a whole eight hours,” he said with a smile. In the distance, Rob made a trail of footprints as he walked up the small hill, waving hello.

A few minutes later, busy passing out lunches, I looked up and saw Rob. “Rob!” I said with joy, before registering his face. Tears filled his eyes and there was something horribly unfamiliar about the way he looked back at me. He didn’t look like the Rob I know, laid back yet cheerful. The only word I can think of to describe it is desperation.

“Today is not a good day, I just gotta grab and go,” he said with a lump in his throat.

“Can I give you a hug?” I replied.

“I need it. Today is not a good day.” Before letting go and turning to walk away I heard “I might just find myself in that river.”

It felt like the wind got knocked out of me as I heard those words. I continued to distractedly hand out lunches, my heart sinking. Rob walked over to the river’s edge, standing there with his brown lunch bag in his hands but not eating. I grabbed Ryan to take my spot as I walked down toward the river.

Rob told me in tears that he has always been the guy that people go to on days like this, asking things like could he get them to where they need to be or get their car unstuck. Those calls had been coming in that day, from people who aren’t aware of his current circumstances. “I just want to tell them to leave me alone, I don’t have anything to give you.” Rob is used to being the one his family and friends can depend upon in this way, and this reminder of his situation and current inability to be that person hurt.

“You guys are the only people who care about me, you know? I told my mom about you guys. She and my stepdad who hit me everyday of my life are in Hawaii right now. She only ever calls me as an emotional support animal so she has someone to listen to her complain about him”

As our conversation went on, I learned that the previous night Rob had climbed the rail of one of the bridges over the Willamette. He said he doesn’t want to be here anymore, doesn’t know how much longer he can stand it. Someone pulled him down, telling him “today is not the day.” This man happened to be a plumber, just as Rob was before things in his life came crashing down. We spoke about where God could be amidst all of this. By the end of our conversation, the look he had at the beginning had dissipated and he was smiling. He linked arms with me and walked me back up to where we were serving and told me not to worry about him, he was going to be ok. He headed back to the shelter.

As I prayed for and thought about him in the coming weeks, I couldn’t help but be concerned. He didn’t show up the next week for lunch which only amplified the concern. The next week I was away helping at a retreat but texted Lillianna to see if he had showed up. “He got into a tiny home!” This news took such a weight off of my heart, but I also hoped that interior healing was happening too. That some of the spiritual and emotional darkness was being lifted.

A few weeks went by before he came walking up with a big smile and glimmering eyes.

His life had begun to completely turn around for the best. He said the reason he hadn’t been at the lunches was because he was staying in a tiny home with an hour and a half commute, but even more excitingly, he was working as a plumber again! He had reconnected with his brother who was helping him out immensely as well. He had today off and wanted to say thank you and let us know that he likely wouldn’t be by very often anymore as he would be working full time.

Only God could have orchestrated a turn-around like this. Weeks before, Rob had been at one of the lowest points of his life, not knowing that just around the corner were beautiful things in store. While the journey back to a dignified way of living is usually much slower, it was such a rare gift to witness God working in Rob’s life in this way, and a powerful reminder to keep praying and to not lose hope for our friends no matter what things look like on the outside. Of course, it will be a long road of healing and more important than food and shelter is that he truly knows Jesus’ love, but these forward movements show that Rob is beginning to understand his dignity and to have hope. I know that I can trust God in every detail of this new chapter.

~Lindsay Nelson